


Just Hold Me

by iloveromance



Category: The Good Wife (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-01-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:08:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 5,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22462360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iloveromance/pseuds/iloveromance
Summary: Just when the world feels as though it's crashing down upon her, Alicia finds someone who truly understands. Someone who's always understood. (Episode: "Getting Off").
Relationships: Alicia Florrick/Will Gardner
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

Alicia stared at the woman she'd been hired to defend, unable to think straight. It wasn't the trial that was getting to her, but the words that tore into her soul. This woman had no idea of the affect her words were having on Alicia; no idea at all. But now Alicia wasn't sure how much more she could take.

Her life was insane enough without this Stephanie Engler adding to the mix.

Jackie had the nerve to come over to the house without Alicia's consent. It was wrong to keep Jackie from her grandchildren, Alicia knew that but having her over at the house was asking for trouble. Jackie had a history of… well, the things she'd done and said in the past weren't good and there was no telling what influence she would have on Zack and Grace. But there was nothing she could do about it now.

A smile crept onto Stephanie's face and Alicia was suddenly aware of the conversation once again. "Aren't there men you look at, just watching them in a Starbucks line, tying their shoe or fidgeting in their pocket?"

Alicia's eyes moved around the room. Across the hall through the large glass window she could see Will sitting at the table, conversing with another client. She could feel her heart constrict inside of her chest but then pushed the feeling away. And yet it still came; the feeling that was becoming harder and harder to quell.

"Don't you long to feel the touch of a man's hand on the small of your back?" Stephanie was asking. "Or the sensation of another man's lips on your skin? Don't you want that?"

Please, stop. I beg of you. Alicia pleaded silently.

But the woman kept on, taunting her with images that brought nothing but thoughts that Alicia simply shouldn't be having. It wasn't right; especially after-

In one fluid motion, Alicia rose from her chair and stared at Stephanie. The firm wasn't convinced that Stephanie was innocent; they simply didn't have enough evidence.

But Alicia wasn't thinking about that now. How could she be thinking about it, when the only person she could think about was-

"Where are you going?"

Alicia looked around blankly, having no idea how she'd gotten from the table to the door, where her hand was poised on the handle ready to pull it open. "I-I just remembered. There's something I need to do." she lied. "Excuse me."

"Hey! Wait a minute!" Stephanie yelled. "You can't leave! I'm paying you to defend-."

Stephanie was still talking when Alicia walked out of the conference room, grateful for the silence. At least there she could get some peace and quiet; have time to think.

But thinking wasn't in the cards.


	2. Chapter 2

She stopped in her tracks, horrified to find that her office was occupied by the one person she really and truly did not want to see at that moment. "What are you doing in here?"

Kalinda turned around and smiled. "I thought we could talk."

Alicia entered her office brushing past the investigator and sat down at her desk. Her hand trembled as it hovered over her computer mouse and clicked on the e-mail icon to open her messages. Blindly she clicked on each one, having no clue what they said.

"Alicia, are you all right?"

"What makes you think I'm not all right?" Alicia retorted. "I'm busy, now if you'll excuse me."

"But I just wanted to-."

"I have nothing to say to you."

Kalinda sighed in a way that could be described as seductive and Alicia couldn't help but wonder if she'd used that same sigh before…."Look, Alicia… I know we've had our differences, but-."

"You slept with my husband!" Alicia spat. "You call that having differences? Damn you, Kalinda Sharma! Damn you!"

"Alicia-."

"Get out!"

"But if you'll just listen to-."

"NO! I'm through listening to you and everyone else telling me how to live my life!"

"How to-Alicia, I never-."

Alicia closed her eyes. "Get out! Please!"

"If we could just talk about this, I'm sure-."

It was becoming harder and harder to control her temper and people across the hall were starting to stare. "No amount of talking is going to fix this, Kalinda. Ever! I don't care what you say! It's never going to happen!"

"But Alicia-."

Alicia's eyes filled with hot tears; tears she could barely control and she couldn't bring herself to look at the woman who had contributed to the inevitable shattering of her marriage to Peter.

"Get out."

"Can't we just talk about this? I swear, I never-."

She was at a breaking point, aware that across the hallway and in points in-between, eyes were fixated in their direction along with hushed whispers. She could only imagine the rumors going around as she saw the eyes turn toward each other and the accusations begin.

"Kalinda, there are so many people watching us right now and if you don't get out right this minute, I swear I will scream."

"Alicia-."

"I swear it!" she yelled. "Get out!"

Kalinda nodded coolly, as though having a conversation like this was something that occurred every day. "All right." she said after a long silence. And the silence continued as she rose from her chair and walked out of the office, leaving Alicia more shattered than ever.

Alicia sat at her computer, staring at the cursor which was poised over her email, the one with the subject "Urgent". And when her eyes rose she found herself looking across the distance at a familiar face. He was sitting at a table, engrossed in conversation; most likely an important meeting with colleagues. She knew she should look away, but she couldn't; choosing instead to stare at him and his handsome features.

Unexpectedly their eyes met. He smiled, prompting her to do the same, albeit a watery version. But then his smile disappeared "Are you okay?" he mouthed.

She nodded (a lie) and then quickly turned away, the tears threatening to make their way down her cheeks.

Why did he have to be so damn caring? Why did she have to care about him so much? So much. And why couldn't these damn tears stay where they belonged; hidden and out of sight?

She picked up something from her desk; a book, a magazine, a notebook-she wasn't really sure what it was- and decided to conceal her face. Yes, that's what she would do. She worked hard. No one would ever know that she was hiding anything; they'd simply think she was engulfing herself into her work-as she always did.

Yes, keeping busy was the perfect way to take her mind off of-

"Alicia?"

She looked up, slightly embarrassed to find her boss-her oh, so handsome boss-standing in her doorway. How did he get here so fast?

Quickly she lowered the object that unsuccessfully hid her face and tried to smile. "Will."

"Did I catch you at a bad time?"

"No. I was just-."

"Can we talk?"

"Sure. What's on your mind?"

He looked around uneasily. "Maybe we'd better talk in my office."

Her heart clinched with nervousness. "W-well, why not here?"

"I think my office would be better. Come on. It'll just take a few minutes."

Oh God… this was bad. So bad.


	3. Chapter 3

Reluctantly she followed her boss to his huge office that sat in the corner of the enormous Lockhart/Gardner headquarters. Like hers, his office walls were glass.

Everyone would be able to see. Perhaps they could not hear, but they'd be able to see Alicia's humiliation. Why was he doing this, when it was Kalinda who-

"Are you coming?"

She stood frozen at his door; not even noticing that he'd moved past her and was now sitting at his desk; the desk that was much larger than hers. But it made sense. He was, after all, the boss.

For the time being anyway.

God, why was she so nervous? She'd been fired from jobs before. Everyone had. It was inevitable. But she wasn't going to let them cut her off without a fight. She'd worked too hard for this position and if he wanted to hold a grudge-

"Alicia? Are you sure you're all right?"

She swallowed hard. "I'm a good person, Will. A very good person."

Will nodded and smiled. "Of course you are. You've always been a good person. And a great lawyer."

"Thank you. So why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"This! Throwing me out on the street? I-I know I came in here back when I was just starting out and practically begged you for this job but you can't just-."

He rose from his desk and went to her, placing his hand on her shoulder. "Alicia, stop. I'm not going to fire you. I can't even believe you'd think such a thing .I just wanted to talk."

"About?"

"We're friends, aren't we?"

She swallowed hard. "I guess. I-I mean... of course we are."

"Then what's wrong?"

His words were a whisper, filled with concern; more concern than Peter had ever shown her.  
Peter…

She wiped away tears and turned away, no longer caring if anyone was looking through the window (They weren't). "I-I should really get back to my office. I have work to do."

"Come on; don't shut me out, okay? Whatever you say will remain between us. I swear it."

Reluctantly she turned around and looked at him.

"What is it? Is it Kalinda? I saw you talking in your office. If she's done anything-."

She sighed deeply. How could she possibly explain?

"Look, whatever it is, I'll take care of it. I can move her to another department, make it so that the two of you never have to-."

"She slept with Peter."


	4. Chapter 4

Just saying the words out loud made the reality of them greater; even more so than they already were. And they hurt. Oh, how they hurt.

She couldn't look at him, but he was looking at her. She could feel it. She turned away, staring out of the glass door, watching the comings and goings of her colleagues; Diane, Cary, David Lee. But when she saw Kalinda move past the window, Alicia's heart ached a little more.

Will let out an audible breath, silently prompting her to whirl around to face him. Their eyes met and he ran his hand through his hair, as though trying to let the revelation sink in. Of course he was in disbelief. It wasn't every day that someone in Alicia's position (or anyone in the firm for that matter) revealed such personal information to someone of Will's position.

"God, Alicia. I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything, Will. I mean, it's not like it hasn't happened before."

His eyes widened. "You mean Kalinda-."

"No, I meant-Oh, it doesn't matter what I meant! I shouldn't have said anything at all! This isn't your problem. It's mine. And it doesn't matter anyway."

"Alicia-."

"I should go." Without waiting for a response, she turned and reached for the door knob, brushing away the few tears that had spilled onto her cheeks. She pulled open the door and took a few steps forward, but he grabbed her free hand, preventing her from leaving.

Why was this so damn hard?

"Will, please! I really have to leave. Zach and Grace-."

"Are still in school." He finished. "And they'll be there for a while. It's barely two o'clock."

"You're right, but-."

"You don't have to do this, you know."

Reluctantly she looked at him, almost forgetting about how awful she looked.

She remembered a time way back when that she spent what felt like hours looking in the mirror before class, making sure that her appearance was perfect. After all, she never knew when she would cross paths with Will Gardner on the Georgetown campus. Of course they always met in class, but it was the unexpected meetings that she cherished, albeit silently.

"Alicia?"

She blinked, causing the memory to vanish at once. "What?"

"You don't have to do this." he repeated.

"Do what?"

"Be so brave."

She laughed at the absurdness of his observation.

"I'm hardly brave. And I still don't know-."

"It's okay to show emotion once in a while."

"I'm fine. Really."

The lies were coming easier now and she didn't know if she should be proud or ashamed.

"Nobody would be fine after all you've been through Alicia. You're the strongest woman I know. But even the strongest person-."

Her throat tightened and she felt more tears spring to her eyes. Damn…

"I-I should go." Her voice quivered but she refused to cry in front of him. She'd handled a million horrible things in her lifetime. She could certainly handle yet another of Peter's one-night stands, even if it was with a colleague.

"Let's talk about this."

"There's nothing to talk about! What's done is done! I-."

He reached for her, but she pulled away.

"No. I can't do this! I can't! I-."

"This is about more than Peter and Kalinda, isn't it?"

"What are you implying?"

"Nothing. I just want you to know that I'm here for you. I'm here whenever you need me."

Her heart ached, but this time the pain was different. What was it? Longing? Loneliness?

"Thank you. Good night, Will."

"Are you sure you're going to be all right?"

"I'll be fine. Good night, Will."

"Goodnight."

With a sense of purpose, she walked out of his office and across the hallway, anxious to get away from everything; from everyone. In record time she shut off her computer, realizing only a second too late that she hadn't saved the deposition she'd been working so diligently on that morning; before the meeting with Stephanie.

Before she'd found Kalinda in her office.

Before she'd been reminded of the chaos and heartache her life had become.

All of her work on the deposition had been lost, which would require starting over from scratch tomorrow morning. But she didn't care. Nothing mattered now. Nothing at all. She just wanted to go home and crawl into bed and pretend like none of this had ever happened.

But she knew that she'd never be able to forget.


	5. Chapter 5

She was almost to her car when she realized that she wasn't alone in the parking lot. She may have been vulnerable and overwhelmed but she was still Alicia Florrick. And Alicia Florrick could handle anything.

At least that's what she kept telling herself.

Fighting the tears that seemed determined to consume her, she dug into her purse, cursing silently to herself. Where are my keys? Damn it!

"Alicia?"

The sound of his voice startled her and she jumped, feeling the rapid increase of her heart rate. She turned to him, her hand on her chest, finding it nearly impossible to hold back her sob.

"Oh God… Will."

"Damn… I'm so sorry. I thought you saw me coming."

"How could I possibly see you, Will? My back was turned! Are you that much of an idiot?" She regretted the words, not only because he was her friend and her boss but because he was the only one who cared; or at least he was pretending to care.

"Look, I'm sorry, I didn't-."

She turned around, ignoring the trembling of her hand as she dug into her purse, only to realize that her keys were clutched in the fingers of her opposite hand. God, what was wrong with her? The effort it took for her to insert the key into the door was enormous and she could feel Will standing beside her, his hand on her arm.

"Alicia, talk to me, please."

"I really need to get home. Grace and Zach-."

"-Will be fine." He finished. "It's you I'm worried about. Let me help you… please."

Miraculously the door opened, and she slid into the driver's seat, wanting so much to let him help her, but hating herself for resisting his efforts.

"I-I need to go."

"No!"

Startled she turned to him, only aware that that moment that he'd taken her keys and was staring at her. It was the same look that he gave clients when he wanted them to know that he meant business.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because I care about you, Alicia. I want to help you. I'm worried about you."

His sweet words were like an invitation for her tears to unleash themselves, but she did her best to keep them at bay. However, her efforts weren't enough. Her hand was in his and she felt herself being coaxed out of the car.

"Come on, you're in no shape to drive. I'll take you home."

"I don't want to go home, Will!" She yelled, sounding like Grace had as a child, protesting her mother's wishes when an afternoon at the park had come to a close.

He grinned, as though knowing that her excuses about Zach and Grace had been lies. "All right. I won't take you home. Just come on."

"But Will-."

When she was once again standing beside him, he smiled and gently brushed away the tears from her cheek. "I'll take you to get your car later, all right?"

She stared at him only for a moment before nodding, wondering why he didn't hate her. "Okay."

His hand slipped into hers and together they made their way to his car. As she waited for him to unlock the car door and help her into the passenger seat, she had a flashback to their days at Georgetown and to a time when her life was much simpler; and her feelings much less complicated.


	6. Chapter 6

Neither of them spoke as Will started the engine and pulled his car out of the parking garage. As they drove down the surprisingly quiet Chicago streets, the voices on the radio droned on and on; two sportscasters debating whether or not Florida State would defeat Notre Dame for the NCAA Basketball title, but Alicia was barely paying attention.

And judging by the silence between them neither was Will.

She wished he would tell her where they were going, but she wasn't worried. She trusted him more than she trusted anyone. They'd shared so many things together; their hopes, their dreams, their love. She wanted so badly to tell him what was bothering her (besides the fact that Kalinda had slept with Peter) but even she didn't know.

But she did know one thing. When she was ready to tell him, he would listen. And he would understand. He was the only person who knew her better than anyone else; Peter, Grace and Zack included.

She attempted to turn her head to look at him, but the moment she did, her eyes welled with new tears that splashed onto her cheeks and she felt the familiar lump in her throat as she bit back a sob. And so she returned her gaze to the window, watching the world go by in a colorful blur. But she felt his hand on her arm. 

"Alicia, are you okay?"

Quickly she looked out of the window, brushing the tears from her eyes. "Yeah, I'm fine."

The words were a lie and they both knew it, but to his credit, he said nothing.

As they turned down a familiar street, her heart began to flutter. She should have known that he would bring her here. But then again, the sight of the apartment building she knew so well surprised her; for in actuality it was the last place she thought he would go. Finally she managed to turn to him, blinking back tears.

"Will? Why are we here?"

"Well, under the circumstances, I didn't think that a bar was appropriate, and I don't even think that any are open this time of day. I thought that we could have complete privacy here, but if you don't want to-."

"It's fine. I was just-."

"Alicia, I just want to talk. That's all. I swear it. I won't... try anything."

"I know. I trust you, okay? I trust you completely. I just wanted you to know that."

"Thanks. That means a lot to me." He smiled at her and turned off the engine. His hand was on her forearm. The simple gesture soothed her heart. And then he climbed out of the car. In true gentlemanly fashion, he walked around to the passenger side and opened the door for her.

"Thanks." She replied, feeling strangely shy as she took his hand and climbed out of the car.

"No problem."

Her heart beat faster at the familiar feeling of his warm hand on the small of her back as he led her down the sidewalk and into the apartment building. And when they reached the front door she turned to him.

"Will?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks again, for everything. I know I'm not the easiest person to deal with."

He grinned. "Not by a long shot."

They laughed as they made their way across the elegant lobby with its' mahogany floors and beige-colored walls. The stepped into the elevator, where they were whisked away to the tenth floor.

And with a turn of his key, she was transported into his world.


	7. Chapter 7

Alicia walked inside, Will following close behind. The door closed and she looked around the apartment.

It was huge, much bigger than her own (or it seemed that way), with its' brick walls and large picture window. A well-tended plant sat in one corner. And in the center of the room was a plush L-shaped sofa in a shade of pale white, surrounded by a matching loveseat and two plush chairs. To the left was the kitchen which was smaller than she remembered, and to the right of that, bookshelves hung from the ceiling above a built-in desk. Next to the window was a beautiful black piano and in the center of the floor, a telescope.

Impressive.

"Thanks." He replied, alerting her to the fact that she had spoken out loud.

She turned to find him grinning at her. "What?"

"You've been here before, you know. Many times in fact." He pointed out.

"I know, but it's been a long time."

"Too long." He added. He crossed the room to the open kitchen. "Drink? I don't have any wine, but-."

"Okay, sure. Anything's fine."

"Beer?"

"Sure."

He removed two cans of beers from the fridge and smiled at her. She looked longingly at the sofa and hesitated only a moment when he said "Make yourself at home."

"Thanks." She replied, lowering herself onto the plush couch as he handed her the can of beer. "This is nice, Will."

"You said that already." He grinned, as he popped the top of his own can and took a swig. And then he sat it next to hers on the coffee table.

"I know, but it is. And I already said this too, but thanks."

"No problem."

There was a momentary silence and then he gestured to the sofa. "May I?"

His question made her laugh. "Of course. It's your house." But then she immediately felt guilty for her sarcastic and somewhat bitchy comment. However, he only grinned.

"So it is."

She felt the sofa cushion shift as he sat down beside her and took off his shoes. It was then that she noticed he'd taken off his tie and jacket as well.

They drank their beers in comfortable silence until he finally spoke again.

"This is nice, isn't it? Sitting here, just the two of us like this?"

"It is." She replied. She rose to her feet and went to the window, staring out at the city. "It's beautiful."

"What, you mean us, or the view?"

Stunned by his words, she spun to face him. "What? I-."

He held up his hands, as though surrendering. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I-."

"It's okay, I-."

She stared into his eyes. He was so handsome; oh, so handsome and she could have had him years ago. But instead-.

Her chest felt heavy and a lump formed in her throat. And the tears that she'd tried so hard to hold in began to fall.

"Alicia-."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't be doing this."

"Doing what?"

"I shouldn't be here with you, now! I should be home with my kids."

"All right, I can take you home. I'll take you wherever you want. Just name the place."

His soft words made her cry harder. "But I don't want to go home! I can't! I need to, but I can't."

His hands were on her shoulders. "Hey, it's all right. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do."

" I need to go home, but I can't." She said again. "I-It's too hard."

"What is?"

"The memories; the reality! I can't walk into my own home without thinking about Kalinda and the fact that her and Peter… Oh God…"

He left her only for a moment before returning with a box of tissues. "Here."

"Thanks." she said, taking a tissue from the box.

"So what are you going to do?"

"I-I don't know. I-I guess I have to go home. I don't have a choice."

"But you do."

"What do you mean?"

"You can stay here, with me."

"No, I can't. I-."

"Why not?"

"Because… it wouldn't be right."

"What is right, Alicia? Sending you home in such a state of distress, which will only cause you to be more upset?"

"I don't know! I don't know anything anymore, Will! I-."

"What can I do for you? Just tell me. Anything at all and I'll do it."

She brushed the relentless tears from her cheeks and stared at him. "Will you… Just hold me?"


	8. Chapter 8

He sighed, his arms outstretched. "Of course I will. I don't know what I was thinking. Come here."

She filled his arms, resting her head against his chest. She could feel the steady rhythm of his heart; the heart that held more love inside than Peter would ever have.

The thought of her husband made her cry even harder and Will's hold on her tightened. The scent of his cologne, the feel of his hand; his fingers gently massaging her back and neck. It was almost too much. And she began to sob. "I hate him Will!" she said; her voice muffled against his shirt. "I hate him so much! And I hate Kalinda too!"

"I know."

She pulled out of his arms and looked at him. "How could they do this? I mean, I know I'm not perfect. I mean… you and I… we…"

He lowered his head. "I know. You're right. We did. But Alicia, I swear. I never-."

"No. We're not to blame for this, Will. What you and I did... We made love, all right? Kalinda and Peter… they had sex!"

He stepped back and stared at her. "What are you saying?"

She stared at him for a moment. He was, without a doubt, the most handsome man she'd ever met. She had loved Peter-once. And she'd never regret having children with him; ever. Zach and Grace were her life.

But now as she looked into her boss's eyes, she could see how easy it would be to get lost in them. It had happened more times than she cared to count. Instinctively she cradled Will's face in her hands and kissed him. It was a kiss that began innocently enough, but it sparked something inside of her and it began to deepen. He broke off the kiss just long enough to look at her in disbelief.

"Alicia…"

"I love you, Will."


	9. Chapter 9

He was staring at her in disbelief and his stunned expression made her laugh. "What's wrong? It's not like it's the first time I said-."

He was kissing her now, making her heart pound furiously in the wake of his fiery kisses that were filled with the promise of so many things.

"I love you too, Alicia. God knows I don't want to."

She drew back and glared at him as he brushed a lock of hair from her forehead. "What in the hell is that supposed to mean?"

His lips went to the bare place on her forehead. "Nothing. It's just that you and Peter-."

"Will don't, please."

"Alicia-."

"Look, I'm sorry I married Peter, all right? No. I'm not sorry. I love my children. But I just wish… I wish I'd never met him, but then I hate myself for saying it because if I hadn't met him, I wouldn't have Zach and Grace and… Damn… I hate this!"

"Alicia-."

She picked up her purse. "I should go. I'm sorry I bothered you. Can you please take me home?"

"Are you sure you want to do that?"

"Why do you keep patronizing me?"

He held up his hands in mock surrender. "I'm sorry, I don't-."

"No, it's me! God, I don't know what's wrong with me!"

"Nothing's wrong with you."

"Then why doesn't Peter want to be with me, Will? What does Kalinda have that I don't?"

She began to sob into her hands.

"Come here."

"What?"

He opened his arms. "Let me hold you. I'll take you home tomorrow."

"But-."

"Call Grace and Zach. Let them know that you're okay. You can have the day off tomorrow."

"Will, no! I have to work! I-."

"Call Zach and Grace." He repeated. "I'll make up the sofa."

"All right."

He smiled, making her heart beat faster. "Damn… Why was it so hard to resist him?

She dug into her purse for her phone. Her fingers trembled as she pushed the button and dialed her home. It rang four times and then she heard the sound of her recorded voice, prompting her to leave a message.

"Zach, Grace. It's Mom. I know you're not at home from school yet, but I wanted to let you know that I'm not coming home tonight. I-Nothing's wrong, I just… I needed some time alone. I can't say where I am, but I'm okay. We'll talk tomorrow. I love you both and I'll see you when I get home."

She hung up the phone and turned to find Will holding a t-shirt and a pair of flannel pajama pants.

"I don't know if these will fit, but-."

She took them and smiled. How was it possible that one touch of a piece of fabric could provoke so many memories? "Thank you."

"Well, I'll let you get dressed."

"Thanks. Where's your-."

"Oh… It's over there."

"Right. I remember now."

She smiled. "I'll be right back."

"I'll be here."

She disappeared into the bathroom and took off her clothes, folding them neatly on the counter. She considered taking a shower but she was too exhausted. As she expected, his pants and faded Chicago Bears shirt fit perfectly. Wearing his clothes… it was like being held by him. And suddenly she wanted the real thing.

"Wow, you look great!" He exclaimed as she stepped out of the bathroom.

"Thanks. God, I don't usually go to bed this early."

"You don't have to. We could… watch TV or something. I think the game's on."

She laughed. "You love your basketball, don't you?"

"It's God's gift."

She settled onto the sofa, smiling as he tucked her in. But then she surprised him by patting the place next to him.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. Thanks. I guess I can sit here for a while."

He picked up the remote and turned on the television. Instantly the sound of the basketball game poured out of the speakers. She snuggled against him and kissed him.

But one kiss was not enough and they fell against the sofa.


	10. Chapter 10

She wanted him; God, how she wanted him. But when the faces of Zach and Grace flashed in her mind, she broke off the kiss, instantly missing the warmth of Will's lips.

"What is it? What's wrong?" he was asking.

"I-can't. I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking."

"It's my fault, Alicia. Not yours. None of this is your fault. I should have never-"

She averted her eyes. "Will-."

"No, listen to me, Alicia. Look at me, please..."

Reluctantly, her eyes moved to meet his. "But-."

"None of this is your fault, okay? And don't ever think that it is. Not Kalinda, not Peter and certainly not this. Now I can't deny that I don't love you. I do still love you. I always have and probably always did have feelings for you but I won't act on them. Not till you're ready. And if you're never ready then… well, that's okay too."

She rested her head against his chest content to hear his beating heart once more. "I'm just… so tired, Will. I can't think anymore."

"I know. I'm tired too, actually. And this game sucks! What in the hell is with Henderson tonight?" He shouted Throw the damn ball! Don't just stand there! How hard is it to throw a basketball? Damn! Can you believe this game?"

She opened her eyes but for a moment and then closed them again. "Can you just hold me until I fall asleep?"

He smiled and tuned off the television. She felt him lean forward to grab the blanket and unfold it, gently draping it over her body and across his legs; his sock feet propped on the coffee table. And then he kissed her cheek, her brow and then her forehead. "Goodnight, Alicia."

At that moment, nothing mattered except for the fact that she was in his arms.

"Goodnight Will. I love you."

"I love you too, Alicia."

Right here, right now. It was exactly where she needed to be.

THE END


End file.
